A shift in schedule necessitated a change to our morning routine today, so instead of having tea and reading the paper at home, my husband and I were at a local coffee shop reading and drinking coffee. Sitting next to us was a couple of young folks who had obviously connected on-line and were meeting for the standard “cup of coffee” and short chat on the way to deciding if there was a spark that could carry them further down the path toward true love.
I could not help but notice the man, as he was very intent on telling this young woman what an exciting, well balanced, comfortable life he had. A life full of friends, great relationship with all of his relatives, interesting hobbies, fantastic, well-paying job, well traveled, etc, etc. He seemed to be the perfect man! But, to me, he did not have the demeanor of a man who truly lived the life he purported to have. And my intuition was saying, “this guy is lying.”
The woman, asked a lot of questions and acted impressed by the answers she was getting, but she also kept scooting her chair further and further away from him. He would lean forward, she would move back. Forward and back, this dance went on for their whole conversation. Until finally, there was nowhere else for her to go and she just sat there, seemingly pinned and unable, or unwilling, to take any further action.
I still recall our first date. I told him that I did not want children, ever. I told him I was not interested in traditional “woman’s work.” I told him that I would always come first in my life and only IF he was OK with all of those things would there be a second date. He told me that he did not want to have children, ever. That he drank, smoked cigars, liked loud music, couldn’t abide gender specific “roles” and was not going to change. 22 years later we are still together, happily married and ALL of those things are still true. Well, we have both changed a lot, but everything ELSE is still true.
I believe that we have been successful in part because each of us was being shamelessly truthful on our first date and there was no need to lean and retreat.
As we left the coffee shop today, I sent a little cosmic nudge to the woman to trust her intuition and that she would know her perfect mate when she sees him. I also sent a nudge to the man that he is enough as he is and to stop trying to impress.
This long married woman reminds us all to be true to ourselves, to remember that the only person we need to impress is ourselves and that sometimes a change in routine is just what a relationship needs.
What do you think?
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