One of my favorite spas was having a writing contest to win a mother/daughter day at the spa, the topic is: “Why me and my mom deserve a free spa day.” Inspired by the question, I wrote the following.
I have spent the better part of my life trying to understand, forgive and love my mother and in recent years feel I have done just that. As far as I can tell though, my mother has never been able to see either the girl that I was or the woman that I am. Would a day at the spa make a difference? In my heart, I believe it could be a start.
I have no memory of my mother and I doing typical girlie things. We never had our nails done at a salon, never gave ourselves manicures or pedicures at home either. We never talked about or tried on makeup. We never got our hair cut together. We did not shop for fun, trying on clothes to see what looked best, giving each other our blessings or turning up our nose at the outfit. We never went on walks or bike rides or did anything the least bit athletic together. We didn’t go out for lunch or have tea. Nope, my mom and I never bonded over those type of things. We were not able to reach each other through the feminine. We just stood opposite each other at a loss of finding something we could use to bridge our divide. The only remotely feminine thing we could do was to talk. Talk about others, about the weather, about chores that needed to be done at home. But, we were not successful in ever talking about those feminine topics of feelings, our hopes, our dreams, our needs or even our wants.
In trying to heal my relationship with my mother, I have developed many practices. As one of my forgiveness practices whenever I find myself doing anything the least bit girlie, I send a love note through the ethers to my mother that she finds her feminine essence. As one of my understanding practices, whenever I see a mother and daughter together, I send a silent blessing that they cherish and strengthen their bond now and into the future. As one of my love practices, I try to give encouragement to all of the mothers and daughters who come into my life.
Even after doing all of these practices, though, I would still love to change our dynamic and begin doing those girly, feminine things with my mother. I believe going to the spa would be a lovely way to begin this process. Doesn’t that sound great? Two women of a certain age having a bonding experience. Two women coming together listening to the sound of water slowly pouring over our naked bodies, healing the hurts of years of estrangement. Two women coming together to feel the warmth of the mineral infused rooms seeping into our bones, letting things settle into their true place. Two women letting themselves deeply relax in such luxurious surroundings and giving thanks for their great fortune. Two women, letting the past stay the past, being in the moment and truly seeing each other, perhaps for the first time ever. Ah, yes, this could be a lovely experience for me and my mother, but it is not to be.
My mother died last year.
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